Singyi

Went off to Railway Station with my junior Kevin for photography shoot which is epic fail. I didn't took much photo which I expect me to because I was expected the place to be extremely empty but it's not, or rather, the part where it's extremely empty is not accessible to non-passports holder. ): And the place where we took our photos are filled with people eating, and i felt weird taking photos.


After which we just took random bus stopping at random place which happens to be Arab Lane (or street) and then head off to Orchard in search of his blazer which he didn't get in the end because of insufficient fund. I can't believe I couldn't think of any other places to get cheap blazers other than Zara. I keep brainstorming but no places came up to me, other than Zara and G2000. ):

Next we went to Kino bookstore to look at photos books. So we were looking through the photos, picking the photo we like, out of the 2 photos we see at one time. I couldn't believe myself when I can point out the photo I wanted confidently and give a reason why I like the photo. I felt like I don't know who I'm, because confident is never a word I would use to associate myself with and giving a opinion.. well, i always had a lot of difficulties with it. It's like.. I had difficulties in expressing my opinion in the right way, most of the time, I made my opinion sound like whining. ):

Anyway, after that we head off for dinner at Just Acia, or rather, he was accompanying me because he had dinner at Ngee Ann City already. Dinner was fun actually! We just kept talking, it's more towards the heart to heart talk, it's been so long since I last had such conversation which I actually had to use my feel sense (kinetics sensory) before I speak. I knew I used it because my eyeball went down instead of up (which I usually do because I'm always using my visual sensory).

And when my junior told me about the irrational fear he had when he was young, which is something like the fear of losing something which is in your hand, i could acutally feel my heart aching. So he asked if i had any when i was young, I couldn't think of one, I was about to say a few nightmares which I used to had but I don't think that's considered as one. But I knew i had one.. So i kept thinking about the one thing which I had always fear when i was young.. and I realized, it's growing up. Because growing up means changes. I remembered when I was really young, and my mum hit me, my mind just went "I wished I could grow up faster" but my heart knew, that wasn't true.

When I was 5, when my life evolves mostly around my cousins, I actually wondered what will happen to us in 10 years time. Would we be still so this close? Or will we be like strangers? That thought of the 10 years later really scare me because I hate for the 2nd scenario to happen. I did everything I could to maintain but I gave up when I was 14.

We started to work part time by distributing flyers in the HDB blocks. It was fun initially until one night, I was paired up with my cousin Wei Siong, and that night we had this long silence between us and I'm extremely uncomfortable with that so i just keep saying really lame and stupid conversations and then all of the suddenly he said "Can you just shut up?". I shut up with the thought "Fine, you want me to shut up? Don't you ever dare to expect me to talk to you again". After that, the next day, I REFUSED to go to work, acted like a really spoilt brat and my cousin snapped. He was so damn angry i swear. By then, i felt really bad about it but I refused to apologize for it too. This incident had a huge impact, no longer do I find it comfortable to be with him, and I was acutally mad at him, I remembered he will talk to me in MSN and I will ignore him.

By the time I got over it and regretted what i did, it's too late. We are not as close as we used to be. Maybe that's why my heart ache when my junior told me about his irrational fear, i let this friendship go when it's still in my hand.

This incident changes me, i learn to forgive people faster. I don't want to brood over a bad matter for so long that by the time I got over it, we had changed so much that we are no longer like before.

Crap, the dinner conversation with my junior really revokes a lot of my inner feelings.

I remembered him asking me if I believe in past life. Without much thinking, I said yes. I do believe. I believe that there's past life, that everyone close to me are related to me in my past life. I believe that's the reason why there's something called chemistry. Maybe in the past life, we already come in contact and known each other so well, that in this life, we could hit off almost immediately. Or maybe that's just a excuse I'm giving myself because there are not many people who i have good chemistry with.

I believe I'm right, my junior is a kinetic person.
Actually, I'm 99% sure he's a kinetic person.